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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kitty Katy's LiveJournal:

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Monday, June 30th, 2014
6:57 pm
Wow, it's been years. I was just thinking about some of my old friends, one in particular, wondering how to get ahold of them.

Happily married now, believe it or not! For over a year!

Hugs to all, if anyone reads this!
Saturday, July 4th, 2009
10:47 pm
At what point...am I allowed to freaking scream my head off? Now they're engaged. So he's never apologized for calling me a liar and manipulative...and now they're engaged. After dating since April. Which is, of course, par for the course for her. She's been engaged officially twice before, unofficially three times. She still wears the promise ring of guy number 3.

I'll admit he's exactly the kind of guy I always hoped she'd end up with. But engaged already? I specifically told him to GO SLOW. As if her own experiences wouldn't already prove that theory, she could also look back at her parents' failed marriage which ruined much of her childhood and officially screwed her up.

So now she'll have been engaged a fourth time and probably actually marry him this time...the guy who was perfect for me. The guy i was in love with. She was more important to him than my friendship.


I can't even have one decent relationship and she gets to run off into the sunset with the guy i was in love with. Further proof that being everything a guy says he wants counts for jack shit.
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
9:17 am
Best conversation. Ever.

while feeding the bunny this morning
Me: Why is their hay all over the floor of your cage again?
*bunny continues to munch on lettuce*
Me: She says she has no idea.
Mom: I didn't hear her say that.
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
1:30 pm
Gah I am so bored. It's the first day back from spring break. It's 1:30 in the afternoon. My class got done at 11. well at 10 to 11. I'm stuck here until 4:30. I can't call for a ride, especially since we're going shopping for pants for me tonight after 4:30. I just got over kidney stones and now i've got my period so i'm bloaty and irritable. Stuck on campus for five hours isn't my cup of tea.

Caitlyn got me into this game Fiesta. Which was great for me over spring break since I'm fasting secondlife. But now I am bored out of my SKULL and I want to play one. Or the other. Or both. I don't care. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to do...something.

There's a guy who is interested in me. Well he says he is. He's been my frustration for the past few days. But I talked to him last night and that seems to be all settled. So it's not even that. I'm just...antsy. And I don't want to be sitting down stairs in the computer lab in case I run into someone. He knows how to get ahold of me if he wants to. He knows where I hang out. That doesn't mean I'm going to place myself right where I'll be seen. So I'm upstairs in the library on a rented laptop.

I want a hug.
Thursday, March 5th, 2009
7:37 am
So I don't forget, here is the list of accusations he put against me.

1. I am deceptive/deceitful.

2. I am manipulative (of both him and her)

3. I am jealous.

4. I am holding things over her head.

5. I am pushing her in bad directions/a bad influence.

6. I am telling others her bad stuff.


Of these six, I owned up to being jealous but told him I had already talked to her about it and prayed about it, so it was none of his business and when he pressed as to WHY I was jealous and WHY I thought it was unfair, I used the story of the prodigal son, saying that the good son was pissed when the prodigal son came back and got a party and it was like that. He tried to correct my interpretation. I was not amused.

I can't think of worse things he could think about me. Worse charges against my character, especially since I pride myself on being honest.

He made me cry. Not only in front of him, but then a big cry outside, then crying in front of Caitlyn, crying in front of my parents, crying on the phone to Racheal, and crying on the phone with Kaydee, which was after a panic attack pill so that's QUITE the feat.

I am so hurt, it's unbelievable. And worse, the only thing I can do is tell him that I'm not any of those other things. It's not exactly a good defense, but I didn't exactly imagine I'd have to be defending my honor.
Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
8:27 am
Reading Material
So, I am looking for some new reading material and I'm calling out to all you few people who actually see this journal to suggest books I might like! I spend tons of time at the library on campus, so...there's much to my disposal but not all...isn't that just the joy of campus libraries.

SUGGEST AWAY!!!
Monday, February 16th, 2009
7:49 am
One of my most favorite things in the world is being yelled at for something I have no control over. Oh wait, no, it's the opposite. Once again (how sad is it that this has happened more than once?) I have been YELLED AT for being allergic to peppers. Not in jest, either. My mom brought home stuffed chicken breasts, covered in paprika. Last sunday, I had an allergic reaction so bad that I STILL don't have a voice. And she said "At worst it's paprika." And I just looked at her incredulously. And she said "What? It's not as if that's green peppers!" So I once again got to explain to her that paprika is crushed peppers, though not green. I am still quite allergic. She yelled and yelled and kicked me out of the room. She was pissed at me for being allergic. Normally I wouldn't mind so much, it would only be a minor reaction, especially if I didn't eat it, (Which I didn't!). BUT having not recovered from the last one and having had my mother give me a firm talking to about every reaction being worse than the last so I'd best be very very careful....it was a tad bit frustrating. Then again, I wasn't the one yelling. Not that anyone would have heard me if I tried. Maybe dogs in the next county would have heard me.

The day before Valentine's sucked. Well, it started out sucking. It ended up wonderfully. I had horrible dreams and I couldn't yell, so I kicked. I kid you not, I have no idea why it worked that way. I've been having trouble with the jeans my parents bought me for my birthday (that is a whole other story and a half) and I was still feeling like crap that my mom had made a snide remark about me getting perfume being like her giving me ANOTHER birthday present. I'm sorry I want to spend 7 bucks on a teeny tiny bottle of perfume, but it smells good and makes me feel sexy. I just felt that I wasn't worthy of more than one birthday gift. That I wasn't loved. (Stupid Single's Awareness Day.) That...I don't know, every sad thought I could think of, I was thinking. I don't even remember them all, but I spent an hour or two in bed crying. Then a funny thing happened. Racheal AND Caitlyn called. at the same time. Racheal asking if I'd see Twilight with her, Caitlyn having just gotten back from the Bahamas, wondering if I'd come over. I spent the afternoon with Caitlyn getting hugs and talking, then then three of us (quite a set!) went to see Twilight at the Riv. Caitlyn had told Lee I was having a bad day, so he got me a present. Two HUGE chocolate covered strawberries! OOOOOOH. When Lee was done work, Caitlyn, Lee, and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. Yum. I didn't get home til like midnight but it was worth it. It turns out, when V-day gets you down....you just need your closest friends.
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
1:59 am
Prince Charming
I'm nobody to you
No.
Worse.
I'm somebody
but not
THE SOMEBODY

I will never hold you
in my arms

You will never wipe
away my tears

There is no
US
OURS
WE

Just you.
Just me.

I'm somebody to you.
You are everything to me.

I'm in the wrong tower
or I'm not the right Princess

There will be no glass slipper for me
I might as well be an
Ugly Step Sister
For all you see

T'would almost be better to sleep
a thousand years
Than to never receive your
KISS

For true love always blossoms
in dreams
despite the cold winter of your heart
for a nobody

like me.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
8:36 am
I am alive, for the record. I know I've been awfully quiet. Working on finishing up school and totally and utterly addicted to Secondlife. Thankfully, I don't mind.

My sister's rabbit was sick yesterday. The bunny who never wants to stop eating didn't want to eat or come out yesterday. Not a good sign, to say the very least. Christi took her to the vet in the afternoon after checking on her at lunch and finding the situation not improved. The vet took a look at her, did blood tests (eek!) and X-rays (yikes! but at least bunnies are small) and determined that Cricket (said bunny) probably had had a hairball but that it was dislodged now and so she was gassy. She's already a kinda gassy bunny so...no biggy there. That bunny could be the solution to high gas prices. ANYHOW. Apparantly everyone at the vet just loved her and she got lots of love and attention which makes all of us over here go "What did you do to her bunny?" cuz that bunny does. not. like. to. be. petted. I mean, last visit she let me pet her twice and by twice I mean two STROKES and then said "That's enough."

Anyhow, lil miss bunny is doing better and eating etc but Christi works again today so she dropped her off at the vet for observation and monitoring, just to be sure. My goofy sister packed the little rabbit a LUNCH as if it were going off to kindergarten. Some pineapple, some juice, and a grape for dessert. I'm sure greens, as well, but I didn't hear that part of the story.

Let's see...new with me. I did a post about getting my license, right? Actually, I'm not sure I did. I GOT MY LICENSE! *ahem* Yes. Like two months back. No car...but license. Still nice. I finished my history class and got a B. WOOT. Now I just need to pass Stats. Somehow. Someway. Really.

Things with PC are...interesting. We had a nice little talk last night. No, we're not dating. He still calls me little sister. I occasionally want to throw things at his head. I'm not really sure WHAT that means.

But yeah. My life is fairly boring right now. I'm enjoying America's Got Talent. Watch it. My bunny is a fan, too.
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
9:26 am
I wish I had a flower I could pluck, that would always give the correct response to yes or no.

I figured out when I was young that the apple blossoms always had the same number of petals. So if I started out with he loves me not...he always loved me in the end.

I just finished the exam for my history class.
I think I got a mild concussion over the weekend. Then again, I was never sure of what day it was before.
Friday, May 9th, 2008
9:56 am
There have been baby bunnies out by the fountain for the past two weeks. They are so freaking cute and they've really made my day, every day I've seen them. Truth be told, I'd like to pet them. I didn't chase them or anything but I did slowly approach several times until they hopped away. No harm done.

Today, I saw one that didn't hop away. I went over to it, and it was alive but...it's back feet and rear were covered with baby bunny diarrhea. I tried to wipe it off. I took it to my mom's office. I took it to the bathroom, to clean off the butt. That's when I discovered the fleas and ticks. Fleas were jumping off left and right. I let them go down the drain. I found a large tick on the back of the neck. At first I thought it was a cancer. I have never seen a tick like that before.

I got a ton of fleas off the ears. More were jumping off the body...that was kind of my first sign this wasn't going to end well. Later I discovered three more large tick inside the right ear...I took them out too, but that was a few minutes before the end.

I tried to comfort it, I tried to give it water. It couldn't sit right. It tried to kick me away but couldn't even do that very well. It died in my arms.

I took it back outside and put it under the bush where they live, or at least I suspect they live. Another baby bunny was out playing and ran when it saw me. I apologized to it, and to the one that had died. I tried. I called the vet, they had told me to keep it warm and give it a dropper of water. That they couldn't treat wild animals.

I probably didn't do anything right. I had hoped I could save it. I thought...taking off the ticks would help it to recover.
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
7:45 am
Right about this time for the past couple years, I wonder if we did anything for my birthday. Like I seriously question if we did ANYTHING. Last time I stayed up all night thinking about it and I called my parents at like 7 am. Now I live with them and we leave about 7 am. It's fun. Anyhow, so I asked and for once, it was me who remembered. I knew I hung out with Caitlyn and Lee, I knew I hung out with Kate (gotta spend that gift card...), I knew Racheal threw me a party.

It would make sense if this happend in March, when I was supposed to have been born. But no. Maybe it happens now because it's the time of Racheal's b-day? Her's was sunday. I haven't gotten her anything yet. I didn't even go to group on Sunday. I suck like that. I hung out with the bunny. Literally.

ooh and for the record, I ordered her a larger vest-y leash. YAYYY! Big fat bunny.

Yesterday, I talked to Chris. Not for too long and I wasn't as nice as I could have been (I want to apologize now) but we spoke and exchanged words. I was in a bad mood, it wasn't anything against him. I was actually really glad he spoke to me, instead of ignoring me. It was possibly the highlight of my day. Which I said to my folks and my dad freaked out! He thought I was pining for Chris again or something. I had to explain that no....but normally I feel like a major piece of crap when I ignore him/he ignores me. So this was a nice change.

I take my driver's test again May 22nd. May 17th is Eddie Izzard. I need to find out when my finals are. Does anyone want to buy me a car? No? Okay. Well I tried.
Thursday, April 24th, 2008
10:11 am
I failed.

I failed the drivers test.

Again.
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
8:23 am
Where to begin? It's pouring rain and a lot of the streets are flooded. We have no phone or internet at home because my parents didn't pay their phone bill. My driver's test is Thursday and the weather has been so sketchy...I'm worried it'll be pouring rain then too. Not like they'd cancel the test, I'd just have to show capability in that weather, which means using wipers and everyone has a different opinion about that... Yeah.

Am I freaked out? Yes.

I've been in a really bad mood and really emo for the past week or so. I have high spots. Usually when I'm not at home. Though being here at school isn't a high spot.

I had a creepy dream last night that I was being stalked. Not fun.

I lost my glasses this morning. They were at the foot of my bed. I'm lucky I didn't roll over them. I've got them now, obviously.

I had shingles. I'm still fairly itchy.

It's only like 3 weeks til Eddie Izzard. Which also means it's like 3 weeks til the end of the semester. Yikes.

My bunny is shedding her winter coat, so I've been brushing her a lot. And she doesn't like being brushed, so she's sassing me, like majorly. I think she should be more like "Thank you mommy, I feel better now that you took a pound of fur off me!" but no. She's like grrr you brushed me and I'm still shedding. You wasted my time.

I want to get her a leash and vest so I can take her outside. I got her one, actually. A large. It wasn't big enough. The pet store I went to didn't stock an extra large. What if one has an extra large bunny? HMMM?
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
1:59 pm
Tell me the story again. The important words keep changing in my head.

Tell me I'm beautiful. Tell me I'm intelligent. Tell me I'm loved.

Tell me again, because it keeps changing in my head.

I feel ugly and fat. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I feel like the biggest waste of space. I feel like a burden on my friends. I feel like my bunny resents it when I want her to kiss me goodnight, and generally thinks I'm a pain in the ass. I feel like my parents...want me to be a servant or non-existant. Or both.

Tell me again. Tell me Jesus loves me and has a wonderful beautiful plan for my life, including a wonderful man who is being molded just for me. Someone who will love me.

Tell me how Chris is an asshole and an idiot for not loving me, not wanting me back, and at this point, generall existing.

Tell me I'm beautiful. Tell me I'm intelligent. Tell me I'm loved.

Because this week...I don't see it.
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
8:21 am
Okay. This is big. So big, I'm even changing my icon. There. Icon changed.

Are you sitting down? You. Yes, you, person reading this entry. Are you sitting down?

I did something huge yesterday. HUGE. For me, huge, anyhow. Besides leaving campus early because I was sick.




Yesterday...I scheduled my driver's test.

I told you to be sitting down, didn't I?

I was trying to get it for this thursday (tomorrow) but they are booked. So it is in one month. It could have been sooner at a different location, but because I need to fit it in before my classes...you see the issue. April 24th.
Monday, March 24th, 2008
8:14 am
I don't expect this to make sense. You shouldn't either.

My sister returned from London last night. We all stayed up way toooooo late looking at her souveniers. She brought me back a killer rabbit. It's AWESOME. And scary. Big teeth. And a teeeeeeny padington bear.

Bunnies own me. Specifically little grey bunnies. NAUGHTY little grey bunnies. Nothing was sacred from being chewed and no one was sacred from being bitten. I know I shed a little bit of blood myself, and I'm cute and adorable.

Everybody has been sick all week. It started with my dad. Ohhh that was not fun. Then my mom, from nursing my dad back to relative health. Now I'm getting sick. And I'm tired. SO I really really just want to crawl into bed. Right. NOW.

I did something I regret. I did something stupid. And then I made it worse. GAH. Why didn't I just play video games??

So sometime over the course of the week, PC and I were talking...we had a really emotional (for me) conversation in which the fact that he totally dissed my pictures came up. Okay, so he wasn't trying to dis them. He thought they were awesome. Except the nudes. And I mentioned that this was one of the reasons he and I could not be together. And he laughed. HE LAUGHED. okay, glad you agree, but BLOW TO THE EGO! I heart you too, buddy. Geez. He called last night to remind me about group. I told him I wasn't going, I thought I'd caught the flu my folks have had . He acted like he didn't believe me. I'd been telling him all week how sick they were. It's not like I planned somewhere around Tuesday that I wouldn't want to go to group last night, so I started saying my parents were sick. Golly.

That something bad I did...is bad for me spiritually. And it's really getting me down. I think PC was disappointed because two weeks ago, I told him I'm bi. He really wants me to tell AJ now. Not that I have a problem telling AJ...I'm just scared to. I've already said some pretty stupid stuff to her lately, and I don't want her to drop me as a disciple. I know he's thinking, well, any chance to tell her is a good time. But that's not true. ESPECIALLY around Christians, it's something you want to talk about in private when you have some time. Not quickly 5 minutes before or after group, where everyone can hear. I think what he'd like to see happen is me repent it to the group or something. He doesn't...get it.

Let's spread it all out there. Right now. I consider myself Bi-Sexual. Gasp, shock. I'm not dating women, I don't intend to ever date a woman again. But I have been in love with two women in my past, one I less readily admit to. Some would say I'm not bi anymore. Good for them. Maybe I'm not. But today...this is part of my current identity. My mom knows, my dad doesn't.

I'm not going to beg for their forgiveness. Nor PC's. I don't need either. It's all between ME and GOD. I only told PC because I thought Dan already had, and I'd rather he heard it from me. I think PC already told AJ. Maybe he didn't. I hope he didn't. If he did....that would be a major break of trust.


OH!!!!! BEFORE I FORGET! The photo I took was in the paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now to get paid...*ahem*


Total Eclipse of the Heart has been in my head all morning.
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
9:18 am
First off, I think it would be cool to make a bunny sled. Like instead of a dog sled, a bunny sled. It wouldn't work. But it would be cool.

Second of all, it's snowing. Yep. SNOWING. The ladies in the cyber cafe keep asking customers "Did you order all this white stuff?" As if hoping to say "Good, then take it with you when you go."

I went to group last night and ended up crying with KD and Erin. I should have taken that as a sign. Yup. Today is the first day. Gahhhhh it sucks. So I'm emo and grumpy and downing painpills. Hopefully they mix just fine with Sudafed, because Sudafed is keeping me breathing. Or at least not hacking up a lung every five minutes.

In bunny news, Clover is favoring her front right paw and I'm concerned. I want to take her to the vet this afternoon but my mom says wait and see. It doesn't feel right, when I tried to compare the two last night. I should put more money in my checking, in case I do have to bring her to the vet. PLUS I have to pay for my dental tomorrow. Crap. There. I transfered a goodly amount, to cover both if neccessary.

Yes. Tomorrow, I get two fillings. Joy, I know. Ooooh I know. Right before my class, too. So I'll be drooling on my quiz.

I finished reading Little Women. If I hadn't been at work at the time, I would have started crying. Next is Little Men. Not sure if I should read it or not.

Is it spring break yet?
Friday, February 29th, 2008
10:03 am
Grr. If I had the energy, I would be very pissed right now. I caught that bug that is going around. It's 10 am. I don't have my first class for another HOUR and I want to go home and crawl into bed. But I can't. Because I'm not puking or showing a bone. Quoth the mutti. I can go home at 1, when my classes are over, and even then I'll be skipping work.

I just want to go to bed.
Thursday, February 28th, 2008
9:02 am
At least tomorrow is friday.

I hung out with Tyler yesterday. He was not feeling well and I think I caught his cold. Of course. So I'm on dayquill. Along with my BC and zoloft. If I add in any advil, I could be declared stoned, I think. OR at least unfit to drive.

I bugged PC twice yesterday while he was at work. Once was intentional. I wanted Tyler to meet him, so he could put a face with the name. The second time, I was getting a salad for our dinner. It seemed rude to just walk by and not say hi.

The good points of yesterday. Bugging Terrance. Kinda. Terrance called me, to check and see I was doing better. (bad bad day the day before) Having lunch with Tyler. MMm fast wok. Snuggling with Tyler's new kitty. Driving Tyler's sweet car. Making a spencers invenstment. PS batteries at Festival Foods are terribly priced. It's like a buck a battery!

Bad stuff? Well, Tyler spent most of the time complaining about PC's roomy, ironically nicknamed DC. I kid you not. Apparantly, at Christmas when I told Dan not to invite Tyler's ex Connie to the christmas party and accidentally let it slip I was bi...well, DC asked Tyler two days ago about me. I'm guessing everything I told Dan briefly at Christmas is known by every guy in the group. Which lead to my bad dream. It started out a good dream. It ended with every bad thing I ever regretted being aired to all and then a turbulent storm, and Racheal was hurt...It was not a good dream.

OH! Yesterday was career fair, which means free pens and lots of free goodies. That was also good.

Right now I'm just really down because I can't stop thinking about that dream I had. Thankfully I only have one class today, but on the downside, we have a quiz today. Yeah. Can't exactly no-brain through it.

I found this ring years ago. It's a guys ring, turquoise. I found it again in my room and decided to give it to one of the guys if they wanted it. I offered it to Dan and Terrance on Tuesday and Terrance took it. He called me yesterday, as aforementioned, and asked if I didn't want to take it to a jewelry store and get money for it. I told him that at most it was worth $50 and that they wouldn't give me that for it if they wanted to sell it for that. I want someone else to enjoy it. I just sent him a note on facebook, and told him that if it would bless him more to sell it and use the money for something else, to do so. At least it's not just sitting in a box on a shelf then.

Gah. I hate feeling sick.
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