Confusion

(no subject)

Wow, it's been years. I was just thinking about some of my old friends, one in particular, wondering how to get ahold of them.

Happily married now, believe it or not! For over a year!

Hugs to all, if anyone reads this!
Confusion

(no subject)

At what point...am I allowed to freaking scream my head off? Now they're engaged. So he's never apologized for calling me a liar and manipulative...and now they're engaged. After dating since April. Which is, of course, par for the course for her. She's been engaged officially twice before, unofficially three times. She still wears the promise ring of guy number 3.

I'll admit he's exactly the kind of guy I always hoped she'd end up with. But engaged already? I specifically told him to GO SLOW. As if her own experiences wouldn't already prove that theory, she could also look back at her parents' failed marriage which ruined much of her childhood and officially screwed her up.

So now she'll have been engaged a fourth time and probably actually marry him this time...the guy who was perfect for me. The guy i was in love with. She was more important to him than my friendship.


I can't even have one decent relationship and she gets to run off into the sunset with the guy i was in love with. Further proof that being everything a guy says he wants counts for jack shit.
Confusion

(no subject)

Best conversation. Ever.

while feeding the bunny this morning
Me: Why is their hay all over the floor of your cage again?
*bunny continues to munch on lettuce*
Me: She says she has no idea.
Mom: I didn't hear her say that.
Confusion

(no subject)

Gah I am so bored. It's the first day back from spring break. It's 1:30 in the afternoon. My class got done at 11. well at 10 to 11. I'm stuck here until 4:30. I can't call for a ride, especially since we're going shopping for pants for me tonight after 4:30. I just got over kidney stones and now i've got my period so i'm bloaty and irritable. Stuck on campus for five hours isn't my cup of tea.

Caitlyn got me into this game Fiesta. Which was great for me over spring break since I'm fasting secondlife. But now I am bored out of my SKULL and I want to play one. Or the other. Or both. I don't care. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to do...something.

There's a guy who is interested in me. Well he says he is. He's been my frustration for the past few days. But I talked to him last night and that seems to be all settled. So it's not even that. I'm just...antsy. And I don't want to be sitting down stairs in the computer lab in case I run into someone. He knows how to get ahold of me if he wants to. He knows where I hang out. That doesn't mean I'm going to place myself right where I'll be seen. So I'm upstairs in the library on a rented laptop.

I want a hug.
Confusion

(no subject)

So I don't forget, here is the list of accusations he put against me.

1. I am deceptive/deceitful.

2. I am manipulative (of both him and her)

3. I am jealous.

4. I am holding things over her head.

5. I am pushing her in bad directions/a bad influence.

6. I am telling others her bad stuff.


Of these six, I owned up to being jealous but told him I had already talked to her about it and prayed about it, so it was none of his business and when he pressed as to WHY I was jealous and WHY I thought it was unfair, I used the story of the prodigal son, saying that the good son was pissed when the prodigal son came back and got a party and it was like that. He tried to correct my interpretation. I was not amused.

I can't think of worse things he could think about me. Worse charges against my character, especially since I pride myself on being honest.

He made me cry. Not only in front of him, but then a big cry outside, then crying in front of Caitlyn, crying in front of my parents, crying on the phone to Racheal, and crying on the phone with Kaydee, which was after a panic attack pill so that's QUITE the feat.

I am so hurt, it's unbelievable. And worse, the only thing I can do is tell him that I'm not any of those other things. It's not exactly a good defense, but I didn't exactly imagine I'd have to be defending my honor.
Confusion

Reading Material

So, I am looking for some new reading material and I'm calling out to all you few people who actually see this journal to suggest books I might like! I spend tons of time at the library on campus, so...there's much to my disposal but not all...isn't that just the joy of campus libraries.

SUGGEST AWAY!!!
Confusion

(no subject)

One of my most favorite things in the world is being yelled at for something I have no control over. Oh wait, no, it's the opposite. Once again (how sad is it that this has happened more than once?) I have been YELLED AT for being allergic to peppers. Not in jest, either. My mom brought home stuffed chicken breasts, covered in paprika. Last sunday, I had an allergic reaction so bad that I STILL don't have a voice. And she said "At worst it's paprika." And I just looked at her incredulously. And she said "What? It's not as if that's green peppers!" So I once again got to explain to her that paprika is crushed peppers, though not green. I am still quite allergic. She yelled and yelled and kicked me out of the room. She was pissed at me for being allergic. Normally I wouldn't mind so much, it would only be a minor reaction, especially if I didn't eat it, (Which I didn't!). BUT having not recovered from the last one and having had my mother give me a firm talking to about every reaction being worse than the last so I'd best be very very careful....it was a tad bit frustrating. Then again, I wasn't the one yelling. Not that anyone would have heard me if I tried. Maybe dogs in the next county would have heard me.

The day before Valentine's sucked. Well, it started out sucking. It ended up wonderfully. I had horrible dreams and I couldn't yell, so I kicked. I kid you not, I have no idea why it worked that way. I've been having trouble with the jeans my parents bought me for my birthday (that is a whole other story and a half) and I was still feeling like crap that my mom had made a snide remark about me getting perfume being like her giving me ANOTHER birthday present. I'm sorry I want to spend 7 bucks on a teeny tiny bottle of perfume, but it smells good and makes me feel sexy. I just felt that I wasn't worthy of more than one birthday gift. That I wasn't loved. (Stupid Single's Awareness Day.) That...I don't know, every sad thought I could think of, I was thinking. I don't even remember them all, but I spent an hour or two in bed crying. Then a funny thing happened. Racheal AND Caitlyn called. at the same time. Racheal asking if I'd see Twilight with her, Caitlyn having just gotten back from the Bahamas, wondering if I'd come over. I spent the afternoon with Caitlyn getting hugs and talking, then then three of us (quite a set!) went to see Twilight at the Riv. Caitlyn had told Lee I was having a bad day, so he got me a present. Two HUGE chocolate covered strawberries! OOOOOOH. When Lee was done work, Caitlyn, Lee, and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. Yum. I didn't get home til like midnight but it was worth it. It turns out, when V-day gets you down....you just need your closest friends.
Confusion

Prince Charming

I'm nobody to you
No.
Worse.
I'm somebody
but not
THE SOMEBODY

I will never hold you
in my arms

You will never wipe
away my tears

There is no
US
OURS
WE

Just you.
Just me.

I'm somebody to you.
You are everything to me.

I'm in the wrong tower
or I'm not the right Princess

There will be no glass slipper for me
I might as well be an
Ugly Step Sister
For all you see

T'would almost be better to sleep
a thousand years
Than to never receive your
KISS

For true love always blossoms
in dreams
despite the cold winter of your heart
for a nobody

like me.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Confusion

(no subject)

I am alive, for the record. I know I've been awfully quiet. Working on finishing up school and totally and utterly addicted to Secondlife. Thankfully, I don't mind.

My sister's rabbit was sick yesterday. The bunny who never wants to stop eating didn't want to eat or come out yesterday. Not a good sign, to say the very least. Christi took her to the vet in the afternoon after checking on her at lunch and finding the situation not improved. The vet took a look at her, did blood tests (eek!) and X-rays (yikes! but at least bunnies are small) and determined that Cricket (said bunny) probably had had a hairball but that it was dislodged now and so she was gassy. She's already a kinda gassy bunny so...no biggy there. That bunny could be the solution to high gas prices. ANYHOW. Apparantly everyone at the vet just loved her and she got lots of love and attention which makes all of us over here go "What did you do to her bunny?" cuz that bunny does. not. like. to. be. petted. I mean, last visit she let me pet her twice and by twice I mean two STROKES and then said "That's enough."

Anyhow, lil miss bunny is doing better and eating etc but Christi works again today so she dropped her off at the vet for observation and monitoring, just to be sure. My goofy sister packed the little rabbit a LUNCH as if it were going off to kindergarten. Some pineapple, some juice, and a grape for dessert. I'm sure greens, as well, but I didn't hear that part of the story.

Let's see...new with me. I did a post about getting my license, right? Actually, I'm not sure I did. I GOT MY LICENSE! *ahem* Yes. Like two months back. No car...but license. Still nice. I finished my history class and got a B. WOOT. Now I just need to pass Stats. Somehow. Someway. Really.

Things with PC are...interesting. We had a nice little talk last night. No, we're not dating. He still calls me little sister. I occasionally want to throw things at his head. I'm not really sure WHAT that means.

But yeah. My life is fairly boring right now. I'm enjoying America's Got Talent. Watch it. My bunny is a fan, too.
Confusion

(no subject)

I wish I had a flower I could pluck, that would always give the correct response to yes or no.

I figured out when I was young that the apple blossoms always had the same number of petals. So if I started out with he loves me not...he always loved me in the end.

I just finished the exam for my history class.
I think I got a mild concussion over the weekend. Then again, I was never sure of what day it was before.